Books & Prose


A Gardener Boards the Plane

By Anna M. Warrock

Attention ladies and gentlemen. We are now ready to board the flight to Eden.

Will our first-class passengers, those who have successfully grown citrus and jasmine plants without scale or white fly, please board first.

Those with young children or whose hands and knees and shoes have as much dirt as those young children are privileged to board next.

Our business class passengers, those who have a garden plan and follow it, please board now, and would you be so kind as to help other passengers with their baggage.

Those who have planted daffodil and tulip bulbs at 5 pm on a chilly November evening, please feel free to board now, take up two seats, and nap until March.

Those who have gardens with seven watering cans, I’m sorry, you are only allowed one under the seat; we will be happy to arrange baggage check for the remainder. (Please do recall, Eden has four rivers.)

Those whose potting bench is an aluminum tray in the kitchen, please board now, taking along with you those who spread newspapers on the kitchen floor for repotting houseplants.

Those who’ve bought six bags of potting soil and amendments and four bags of mulch all at once for your 200 square feet of Somerville flower beds—and used them up within two months—please take your seats midplane. You may be asked to open the door for others.

Thank you for your kind attention. The flight will leave once all the seeds are safely stowed aboard.

Originally published in slightly different form in the Somerville Garden Club newsletter, 2018.